well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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