worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
