I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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