According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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