At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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