everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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