1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
