He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
