Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
