I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize