grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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