Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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