just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
