i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
