i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i've created a new STD.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
