Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
