I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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