I'm gonna have a badass scar
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize