Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
