Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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