I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
