He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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