Do you still have your period?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
