Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
