I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
