after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
