Betty ford says i'm here all night
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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