Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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