He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
