I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
