We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
