**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
