Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have fence marks all over my body
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
