I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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