I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
