my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
