nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My room smells like vodka and shame
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
