He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
