I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
