It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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