It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
