The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
