Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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