May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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