went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
