We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
