Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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