I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
