She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
