Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
