ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
