how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
