smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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