if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
