if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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