worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
