he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
